For What it's Worth :)

I was in deep thought this morning and thinking about all the many things i wanna do with my life. I had been hurt  recently by people I thought were friends. I was used and abused and ridiculed behind my back. I was angry. Then I remembered the many good things I did not just for those people but to others as well. I remembered the toothless smile and thank you I got from an old man who I let go ahead of me in the line, the pregnant lady I offered my seat to in the train, the thank you i got from an acquaintance I offered to stay overnight in my place before her flight, the list could just go on and on..Thinking of all this, I allowed my hurt and disappointment to melt away and be replaced with compassion . Enumerating each , I started to feel good about who I am.

In the past, I thought my worth was defined by the following:

How good of a cook I was
How clean my house was
Where I lived
What I drove
What my husband did for a living
Where I worked
How much money we had
What I looked like
What I wore

Where I shopped
How much I weighed
How many friends I had
How good of a wife I was
Whether people liked me
How great of a friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, writer, blogger, spiritual person, fitness gal, or whatever the hell it was I was trying to be at the time....etc. The list was endless. And my self-esteem was very low. 

I had to realize that none of that defined my worth. I am WORTHY. My self-worth comes from within. All of those were about other people's perceptions. I let everyone off the hook for defining my worth and having to either judge or validate me. So , I freed myself. I made a choice. I just gave myself permission to be me. People will always have an opinion or will have their own perception of you. But at the end of the day, who cares? What matters is how you perceive yourself. The world is a huge weighing scale. people will always try to look at you and judge you by how they perceive or see you, but none of these matters.

I realized that when we hold on to hurt, disappointments, anger and blame, there is no room for love, understanding and forgiveness. So today , I'll start making room . The ONE up there loves me anyways, flaws and all .  I want you to know you are worthy too....always.

just my two cents...xoxo

MIA

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack.. I know i know guilty as charged...again.. I know I have been missing in action for a while now. Well can you blame me? I'm a busy bee (chos!) What have I been up to? Hmmm can u say.. A LOOOOT? I've been doing a lot of travelling since summer. 

April was a trip to CDO to spearhead Operation Sendong : A gift giving and Medical mission for the victims of typhoon Sendong. (Ang bait ko noh? ) hehehehhe I , together with my BFF's from college have been doing this for 2 years now , doing Medical Missions, that is..It's our way of giving back to people in need..hey, kindness pays you know :)

June was the toughest month of the year as I may say. My hubby's dad had a major stroke and brain surgery that almost took his life. It was draining emotionally, spiritually, and financially as well. Papa stayed more than a month in the ICU and boy I tell you, that came with a hefty price tag. Then my uncle who was battling with Liver Cirrhosis for years now passed away too. It was difficult for us (the family) to go thru this agony again after losing another loved one to cancer last 2008. Damn you cancer!!!!

It was a roller coaster of emotions for me.. A rollercoaster of events, happy , sad, trying times, difficult ones, triumphs name it . I've had it. ( Ako na ang pinagpala!!!) .But as they say, this too shall pass and I am back on track...I hope :)

The air smells of Christmas already and Christmas always makes me happy. Maybe because it is such a happy occasion  . I always think of Christmas as a time for family and get togethers but most impotantly the birthday of my one true love.. Jesus Christ :)

Despite the storms I weathered these past few months, I am still optimistic. Alive and kicking as they say. I still wake up each day hoping, yearning and believing that better days are still ahead .And to quote President Obama " Hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists that something better awaits us , as long as we keep fighting " 

I second the motion. 

Just my two cents...xoxo