For What it's Worth :)

I was in deep thought this morning and thinking about all the many things i wanna do with my life. I had been hurt  recently by people I thought were friends. I was used and abused and ridiculed behind my back. I was angry. Then I remembered the many good things I did not just for those people but to others as well. I remembered the toothless smile and thank you I got from an old man who I let go ahead of me in the line, the pregnant lady I offered my seat to in the train, the thank you i got from an acquaintance I offered to stay overnight in my place before her flight, the list could just go on and on..Thinking of all this, I allowed my hurt and disappointment to melt away and be replaced with compassion . Enumerating each , I started to feel good about who I am.

In the past, I thought my worth was defined by the following:

How good of a cook I was
How clean my house was
Where I lived
What I drove
What my husband did for a living
Where I worked
How much money we had
What I looked like
What I wore

Where I shopped
How much I weighed
How many friends I had
How good of a wife I was
Whether people liked me
How great of a friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, writer, blogger, spiritual person, fitness gal, or whatever the hell it was I was trying to be at the time....etc. The list was endless. And my self-esteem was very low. 

I had to realize that none of that defined my worth. I am WORTHY. My self-worth comes from within. All of those were about other people's perceptions. I let everyone off the hook for defining my worth and having to either judge or validate me. So , I freed myself. I made a choice. I just gave myself permission to be me. People will always have an opinion or will have their own perception of you. But at the end of the day, who cares? What matters is how you perceive yourself. The world is a huge weighing scale. people will always try to look at you and judge you by how they perceive or see you, but none of these matters.

I realized that when we hold on to hurt, disappointments, anger and blame, there is no room for love, understanding and forgiveness. So today , I'll start making room . The ONE up there loves me anyways, flaws and all .  I want you to know you are worthy too....always.

just my two cents...xoxo