sometimes, somewhere, somehow

   Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become. 

    You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart. 

        Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. 

       The people that you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you will become Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones. 

       If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things. 

      Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you could possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too. 

      Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish.....Create your own life & then go out & live it with absolutely NO REGRETS. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day you live. 

          just my two cents...xoxo 

Random Acts of Kindness

I was in church yesterday hearing mass when something struck me. I was sleepy ( sorry Lord) during the homily, and so to keep my eyes open I decided to do people watching. i enjoy doing this. I have been doing it since I was little, just letting my eyes wander and looking around at people , trying to read minds ( feeling David Blaine) or just merely observing. Then as I was looking around , i can't help but notice little stories around me. There was this little girl around 5 or 6 yrs old although quite naughty teasing her baby brother then grabbed his feeding bottle and fed him. Then there was a man who offered his seat to an old  lady who just came in, a boy around 12 y.o carried his baby brother for his mom and said " ako naman kakarga ma! ".

Scenes like these touch me ..and then I thought wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone did little acts of random kindness? If little kids can do it, why can't we? I believe kindness is contagious and should be a worldwide epidemic.. I have been offered kindness many times in my life and I guess it is just fair to pay it forward. It is truly a win/win situation. the person you are being kind to benefits through your help while you in return feels good having helped another.

So where do you begin?

To get you started, I have listed 20 ideas below.Put them into practice and also create your own:-

1. Send someone a hand written note of thanks.
2. Make a card at home and send it to a friend for no reason.
3. Buy a lottery ticket for a stranger.
4. Help an elderly cross the street.
5. Smile to everyone you meet.
6. Call a family member and just say I love you.
7. Give up your seat in the train for somebody not just an elderly person.
8. Compliment a waiter or a server in the restaurant.
9. Send someone a small gift anonymously.
10. Stop and help someone replace their flat tire.( can i really do it? )
11. Let someone jump the queue at the bank.
12. Call a friend and tell her/him you miss them.
13. Treat a friend to the movies for no reason.
14. Give a huge tip to someone when they least expect it.
15. Hold the train door open for someone rushing to get in.
16. Give up your seat for someone, not just an elderly person.
17. Write notes of appreciation at least once a week.
18. Talk to a homeless person and have a “normal” conversation.
19. Pick up some rubbish in the road which would otherwise be lying around.
20. Compliment a work colleague for their excellence.

And the list goes on and on.. These may be simple acts but will greatly make an impact on somebody else's life. Happy people creates a happy environment, thus a better place to live in for everyone. And remember, you only get what you give. :)

What goes around is sure to come around – happy helping :-)

just my two cents...xoxo

I call it emptiness

i don’t know what it is. but lately i have this feelings that i can't understand. this feeling that there is so much lacking and so much longing that i don't even know what it is. that feeling between laughing and crying, the feeling of wanting to be with someone but you want to be alone also, the feeling of being  there but not really, the feeling of  longing for the past but you’re excited with the future at the same time. this feeling that you can't even put into words, these feelings that you can't even explain.

And no, this is not depression, actually i can say that i'm okay now, and i'm not sad anymore but i'm not happy either.  i'm not even heartbroken anymore, those broken pieces and pain is now almost healed but at the same time it feels like there is a fresh cut of  blade in your heart. this is not loneliness, this is not anxiety, this is not confusion, this is not nostalgia, this is not insanity either. it is more like the combination of everything that you don't understand.  i call it emptiness, and i don't like it..

just my two cents...xoxo

i love ME

I love you.. i love him.. i love her.. and so on and so forth. These common lines we often hear. But how many of us have heard “I love me”? Rarely huh? In the ever complicated world of love and love affairs, people tend to forget the most essential and the very first relationship one has to ever have. It is with oneself. It has been always said that to be able to love another, one has to love oneself first. How many of us are guilty of not following or applying this rule to our lives?

Many of us when in love, are too carried away to ever think of ourselves first. These attributes , oftentimes, leads to hurting oneself should the relationship fail. You may find yourself loving and living with people who don't honor your love in return. Why is that? Because how can anyone love YOU when YOU don't? Fall in love with yourselves first .Think about what makes you, YOU. Loving oneself means embracing all that you are flaws and all.

I got this from a book I read:

1. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love 'you.'
2.Treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend or a lover.
3. Fall in love with yourself; make a list of all the wonderful qualities that you have.
4. Close your eyes, take deep breaths and then visualize yourself as a small  

  child; hug this child close to you and tell him or her how loved and special they

    are.
5. Take yourself on a date. Go to a movie, a drive, a museum.
6. Get to know yourself-spend time with you-not with a crowd.
7. Take time in nature, take walks, start hiking or visiting places you enjoy.
8. Give yourself permission to have fun. Then do something fun!
9. Write yourself a love letter. Go ahead I dare you!
10. Buy yourself a gift, and don't feel guilty about it!

I'm not super hot or gorgeous. I don't have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I'm far from being considered a model, but I'm ME! I eat food, I have curves, like to wear my pj's, and will go with little or no make up at all. I'm random and crazy, and I don't pretend to be someone that I'm not. I am who I am, love me or not. It won't change ME!!! And before i say i love you to anyone else, 
 I think I deserve to say "i love me" first. Go ahead , do it !

just my two cents...xoxo

The Art of giving up

Sometimes, one has to give up. It's far easier than to keep trying. At least you convinced yourself that you can still control the situation. However, giving up has it's advantages too.

You feel peaceful. You don't fear failure. You realize things far more clearly than you thought you yourself is capable of. There is a new sense of self-discovery that is so liberating.

I realized, like respect, things like love, affection and understanding cannot be demanded. Sometimes, if you are really lucky, you will get some of these exactly when you need them. and sometimes, as I am sure everyone has felt at some point in their lives, you may cry and complain all you want, but not a thing will budge.

That's when you need to step back, relax and surrender. The situation may not be ideal, but you know for certain, one way or the other, this too shall pass. 

just my two cents...xoxo 

Walking life's road...

In the stillness of the afternoon , amidst the sound of the raindrops outside my window, I wondered how life can be at such pace. Everything in it is so simple, yet the simplicity of it is what makes it so complicated. Oftentimes I wonder what is life really all about? How far has one have to walk this road that seems to have the farthest and the most uncertain end? Just like roads, life has its twists and turns, bumps and curves. 

The walk of life is never meant to be easy but it is also never meant to be too difficult. What life brings to us, is something memorable, worth treasuring. But to some extent, it does not always taste sweet. Balance must exists. Life is not too cruel but it can also be horrible. It does not take much to wound a person's heart. It can offer us simple surprises and sometimes an overflow of good things as well.

This is the walk of life.

Try too hard and we  will end up being  jerks. Give up and we end up asking and being given second chances.So what is the logic behind it?  Perhaps the world has much to learn,we have much to learn. from life. from living and everything else that comes with it.

More than being a walk, it is a journey.. to where? I don't know. Everything is uncertain...

So I say , treasure the moment. Treasure your life and the soul you are meant to be. Maybe then we will understand. But for now, let's  enjoy the walk, the ride, the journey or whatever it is you want to call it.

just my two cents...xoxo

here, there , and everywhere

Time flies when were having fun is really my new mantra these days. I felt like the year just flew by me. Just like that. I know , i know, I have been lazy (guilty!) and neglected this blog for quite sometime now.

So where do I start? What have I been up to lately? Well , I have been doing a lot of travelling these past few months . Mostly in Cebu where I spent 3 weeks last May and another 2 weeks just recently. I was busy preparing for my good friend Rospe's 40th last July 9. The good friend that I was, I gifted her with the giveaways and souvenirs for her purple themed party. The party was a success. it was good to see all those familiar faces, classmates and close friends from high school. Even our class adviser was there..imagine seeing her after like what? 23 years ? As usual , being in the company of friends you've missed so much makes you forget about the time ..hahahah it was really a night to remember. It wasn't perfect though ' coz some people didn't make it that night . I missed seeing one face from the crowd. Don't ask who! enough said.:)

 My stay was extended though when my bestfriend Sonya came from Oz due to a family emergency. And again being the good friend that I was, I just couldn't leave her in times when she needed me. It was tough seeing a friend you care for so much suffer and go through the agony of  fearing losing a loved one. It was devastating to see her crumble in fear and pain. All I could do was hold her hand and comfort her that I will be with her in all these. But of course, we did not forget to do a little r &r on the side amidst the stress ( hey were human we need to de-stress). So we did a little clubbing here, a little drinking there and a weekend in Crimson ...then bam! just like that , vacation time over , I have to go back :(.

With a heavy heart I had to leave Cebu again, my family, my friends and the only place I call home. But on the lighter side of things , i am back with babe and back to the normal stuff I do. I'll be back in Cebu though next week, next month ..who knows? It may be sooner than you thought.  :)

just my two cents...xoxo

falling in love and letting go...

     

Aaaaah LOVE…I know , I know it’s way too far from Valentines day but isn’t love a universal thing that exists all year round? Such a strong powerful word,easily felt yet difficult to comprehend. It could hit us in  many ways, different forms , at different times and circumstances. Love has been described in a lot of  ways, mostly feelings of euphoria and grandeur. But with love comes the bittersweet  shadow of  pain, hurt and tears.

Falling in love may sound easy but really hard to do. The greatest irony of  love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new  love, you view the past as a teacher . In the game of  love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if  his or her happiness means that you’re not part of it. Everything happens for the best. Love strives in hurting. Yes it does…

If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love is like a knife.(cheesy huh?) It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always lasts for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom to choose what they want to be  and where they choose to be.  Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way,  whether it leads towards you or away from you. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why.If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, If you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.

You fall for someone once in a while for a reason...it isn't just random... most of the time, that      person, or at least that relationship, teaches something: to be trusting, to not be trusting, to be loyal, to be caring, to let go, to hold on, to move on, to speak out, to forget, to remember, to hurt and to  heal...or, if you are lucky, to love... and the things we take from those relationships are part of         what makes them all worth while... So let your heart skip a beat, let a swarm of butterflies fly into your stomach, let yourself feel totally and utterly happy.

At least for a moment--- you will LiVe ,  you will maybe LoVe,  and you will  LeaRN…

Life is a never ending journey, a vast world of opportunities, of circumstances.. favorable or not ,we all have to go through it…it’s all a part of the journey we call LIFE.

Just my two cents…xoxo 

I am me...

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes

.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. 

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Just my two cents...xoxo

2nd Quarter

What? It's June already? OMG where did all the months go? Sorry for not being able to post new stuff here. Well you see, May was as busy as my April..(that's what I call summer vacation)..Anyways, yes , it is really June now. 

May just passed by like a blur. I was in Cebu a whole 2 weeks for a couple of reasons.. I've met a few friends from high school, had dinner and a couple of drinks. Then BURDA(my barkada) had a small get together weekend. We spent 2 hassle free, alcohol filled weekend nights in Crimson Resort and Spa then at BE resorts in Mactan. Talk about EXPENSIVE! Whew! Thank you Bing for the treat ..we all had a blast.. I also made a few favors for my best bud Sonya and looked around resorts for her 40th on October. I think I may give Events Organizing a try for my new career move.hmmmmm.

It's back to reality now. vacation time is over but I can say I have had the best Summer vacay so far. till next year.. Just my two cents xoxo.. :0

And then it was MAY....

I know, i know.. guilty as charged.. I know i havent been writing lately. April has gone by without an entry from me :(. Well , things were pretty hectic last month. A lot of things happened ..busy busy busy. My April was filled with activities, trips and of course a little R&R (hey it's summer you know )

First stop was my brothers high school graduation. Although i wasn't able to go home to celebrate it with the family, I was a busy bee helping my mom prepare for the big day. And of course I gave my share for my brother's blow out party.

Then there was my highschool reunion. Oh boy it was the weirdest( in a nice kind of way) event. Weird because now I know how it feels like to see familiar faces , friends,even enemies and of course exes? hahahaahha after 23 long years. Yes 23 years ...( don't laugh I'm not that old yet). I had mixed emotions that day. happy, excited , yet sad to see us all grown up. It was a blast though, a fun filled night of music, laughs, drinks ,sad stories, and a litte bit of everything hehehe.. I sure am glad I took part in it. It brings back a lot of good memories and even started some new friendships.. here's looking forward to more get togethers soon. :)

Then there was the Holy week. We decided to not go on a trip this year for a change (to save money too)..My sister , her bf and my brother came to Manila for a vacation and so we stayed in the condo the entire holy week. Luckily, most people were away so we had all the condo's facility all to ourselves. Days were spent swimming ,eating and just chilling...aaaaaahhhh summer...

And just when we were having so much fun... May came..just like that...

As June nears, I take with me memories of a magnificent summer. Nothing fancy though, no expensive trips, no lavish spendings, just fun, quality time with friends and family.. I guess that made my summer. :) just my two cents..xoxo

Conditional...Unconditional

There are times when we get discouraged by things that happen and by people around us. Times when we want to give up on someone just because. Times when we hate ourselves for hating others. Times when we stop loving because people fall short of our expectations.

To love without asking why or how, to love without setting any limit ,Is this how we love? Or is our love defined by how much we gain or how much someone makes us happy? I believe we should love a person not because of anything else but simply because we love him, nothing more… nothing less. Conditional love is when we begin to put a price tag on someone. When that person falls below certain limits then he wouldn’t get as much attention and love that he would have been given had he been more qualified.

Love doesn’t measure, weigh or gauge a person ,love just loves .it is the very basic yet the most complicated  formula in the success of any relationship. To love unconditionally is to love beyond the bounds of what limits us, race and creed, wealth and poverty, sickness and health and suffering and happiness. Love knows no bounds and only when we learn how to conquer the limits of what keeps us away from others can love take on a new meaning. One that doesn’t ask the why's or hows. One that simply believes… one that simply loves...

just my two cents...xoxo

Things I wish you knew...

1. I eat a lot when I’m depressed. Yes I can be a pig at times.

2. I’m down to do whatever as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

3. I laugh easily even at the corniest jokes.

4. I am an impulsive shopper :(

5. I don’t dream big, I just dream enough.

6. I treat people like how I wanna be treated.

7. I do what I want when I want it. (Yes I know, I'm a bitch )

8. I am obsessive-compulsive. ( hey any nurse is...i guess..)

9. When I have a problem, all I need is for you to listen. No need to solve anything.

10. I don’t mind if you’re late- as long as you call first.

11. I need you to tell me how you feel about me.

12. I always wanted to learn how to play the guitar.

13. I’m happy because I don’t expect too much.

14. Mature but sometimes immature.(most of the times immature)

15. I face every problem with a smile.

16. I still watch cartoons everyday. ( go on ..laugh)

17. I cry easily. 

18. I drink like a man ( yes I really do huh).

19.I can't sleep without my smelly pillow.

20. I love tremendously.

Go on make your own list...it's fun..just my two cents..xoxo

Why do I blog?

I started writing back in high school when my greatest desire and ultimate happiness was to get hold of a new title of the "Sweet Dreams" novel. I  remembered saving my allowance to buy a new book a week. yes, I was a geek. and so my, passion for writing begins...fast forward 2011 where technology changed it all. Gone were the days where pens and journals were every writers greatest companions..

Enter: blogging (just a modernized term for writing if I may say). I write when I'm happy, when I'm sad,angry,frustrated,in love, and all other emotions in between. But if one asks me why I have this penchant for writing , here are my reasons:

   1. I blog to create something meaningful.It would be so easy to come home from work or school and sit in front of the TV all night ( yes i do this oftentimes) . It takes a lot of work ,sacrifice and dedication to have the passion to write. Writing gives me a sense of personal satisfaction knowing I am creating something meaningful and productive with my time and energy.

2. To meet and reach out to people all over the world.The world wide web is such a vast       community and just the idea of reaching out to all these people gives me a sense of euphoria.

3. Blogging allows me to share what I've learned in my own life with others . I am not here to solve every one's problems but to share to people what struggles I've had and comfort them even in my own little way and say "hey , it's ok, I've been through that too."

4. Blogging gives me the opportunity to increase my skills and learn new things. I am a firm believer in continuous education whether formal or informal. I love learning and trying out new things. I believe my writing skills have tremendously improved over the years or I choose to believe so .. hehehe.

 5. To inspire and be inspired. I enjoy reading other peoples blog and learn what they are doing with their lives, things that  I thought were out of reach for me, now seemed absolutely possible.

We will never know what life has in store for us , but until we strive to reach for something, we wouldn't know the possibilities out there.

I just hope my writing will inspire people as much as I have been inspired . I call it the "circle of inspiration"...until then... just my two cents ..xoxo

Friends for Life

Friends… such a simple word isn't it? I used to think that friends were just the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren't just that, they're the people that touch your heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them. They're the people you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don't judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with. You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. You're tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. I find my time with my friends, the best times of my life. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, my loves and my life. 

My college days will not be the same without my bigtime friends. It’s been years since we haven’t seen each other or haven’t been around together as a whole group. I miss the good old days, when we just hang around and think of nothing and wishing that our next teacher is absent or sometimes we may talk about them behind their backs. Sleepless nights and late nights cramming to review for multiple exams the following day. Not attending our classes especially when the teacher or subject is boring. or when we were just not feeling it. I miss the laughs, the cries, the pressure of projects getting into our heads, the fights, the tambay the malling, the sleepovers,telebabad and most specially the gulp! (inuman nah!), the  girl talk (we usually talk about boys and other people), the house party, the dancing (WE ARE THE DANCING QUEENS!)

College days were the combination of fun, confusion, hardship at times, the expectation of what lies ahead, anticipation, disappointment and falling innocently in love. I still carry such memories wherever I go. It’s something that I will cherish forever. Those were the days that only goes around once in our lifetime. Each one of us have our own lives now. Most of us are married while some chose to go back to being single. But I guess whatever status in life we all are right now , one thing will remain constant : our love and an unbreakable bond that we call friendship. And who says we will stop having fun? Naaaaah we are just getting started and are definitely here to stay....... just my two cents...xoxo

People of the year

If I was given the opportunity to give awards to people who made an impact on my life, I sure will be running out of trophies coz I have plenty in mind. But I chose the best from the bunch ....

This post is dedicated to those people who made a difference in my life , my little way of saying thank you for all they've done, whether they know it or not. :)

babe

my lifesaver, my friend, my lover,my everything rolled into one. his face is the one i love to see first thing in the morning and before i close my eyes at night. the best 13 years of my life i've spent with him and here's looking to more years and a lifetime to share.i love u babe.

Mayette and Carla

my twin bitch and my beastfriend as I call them..my favorite travel buddies. i have known these two for 22 years now (hope my calculations are right). never had a dull moment in all our escapades together. we've laughed , cried, drank to our hearts content, shared secrets , teased each other and the list goes on and on.... i love them dearly and i would stop everything i'm doing in a heartbeat just to escape again in wherever it is with these two crazy ladies...

Sonya and Jazzy

i call them my bestest bestfriends in the entire universe.i have 

known them since forever and we have had a lot of ups and downs,     experiences both good and bad, happy and sad..if i can only rewind     college so we can be together again. but  although these two live   million miles away from me, still we remained the crazy bitches we    used to be. nothing changed..we may have grown up, but we never   grew apart.. i love you son and min...:)

burda ( aida, dovie , che , bing and jesnil) (did i miss out     anyone?....nah!)

they have been my friends half of my life . if someone asks me if I can turn back the hands of time ,from what part of my life will I go back to .. in a heartbeat i'd say ..College..never a dull moment with these girls...and i love them.

jovz 

(sorry boy forgot to post ur pic here)

my new bestbuddy...my constant textmate and telebabadmate if there is such a word. have known him for more than 20 years now but it wasnt until 2009 that we hooked up again and started where we left off. a husband, father and a good friend. never a dull moment listening to his stories and "naughty" antics and will never get tired offering my advise to him too. more adventures and more stories to tell from this guy...:)

the three k's (kathrene,kenneth, and kyle)

the loves of my life.. my siblings.. i'll take a bullet for them and i love them with all my heart.

Mom.

my bestfriend , mentor, father , mother rolled in one. i owe her my life..enough said.. i love her..

thank you for taking time out to read about the people who made a big difference in my life! i hope that we all continue to make an impact on others' lives as well! how about you, who are the people of your year? :)  just my two cents...xoxo

Journal

For or Against? I am for. Here is why. . .

A while back I was feeling low. Life was so challenging, I felt as though I was struggling through each day. I decided to go back and read through some of my journals and the numerous notes and snippets I've written way back 2007. I was dumbfounded. As I read over those words, my words, it was as though I was standing at the edge of a cliff , looking down into its depths. I was astonished at how deep my pain had been. I was sobered by those memories.

With that perspective, I recognized the simple joy of NOT BEING THERE ANYMORE! My challenges are different now, to be sure. I am living a LIFE. It is confusing sometimes. At times, it hurts—even now. Truly, though. . . life is good. I was so grateful to have found my journal, to be able to reflect and truly see how far I've come. The pains are different now . They are not nearly so overwhelming. I have so much more hope for happiness now and in the future. I am so grateful to be where I am now.

Keep a journal. You may need it someday.

Resurrected

I'm back! It has been awhile since I last blogged.. busy busy busy..A lot of things has kept me up on my toes lately. Well I promised myself to religiously write anything starting today. 

So far 2011 looks promising to me. A lot of firsts, and new things to look forward to. First stop, we moved to a new place. Nothing much changed when you think of the size of the new place but I can say this condo gave me good vibes the minute I first set foot here.

A new house means a lot of  new stuff too. new furniture, new decor etc etc but most importantly i think what should really matter is the new ray of hope a new environment brings. Well .. lets just wait and see. until then....just my two cents ...xoxo

Love yourself

i hated it. i hated hearing this so much, i forgot what it meant.

thank you, babe for setting me back on track, for confirming that this was something i really needed to take seriously. It surprised me to think that somehow, i managed to ignore the real meaning of loving your - SELF. too many people are allowed the power to manipulate this part of us that is the point of life, after all. how does it happen?

selfish, egoistic, self-glorifying. words all too commonly designed to hit you where pushing & pulling never stops until it hurts. i’ve been a bitch for what i do, a bitch for what i don’t do, and when i happen to be learning the ropes from in-between, well then i’m just a bitch for not knowing which direction to go, or what the hell i want to do.

well, apparently, things could get worse. because life becomes a pain when you start looking at things from ‘their’ point of view.

if this happens to you, you’ll find that you’re scared to be good at what you love most. you’re scared to be good to WHOM you love the most. unless you’ve got some concept of hope and manage to get sense knocked into your head by some force of nature that pulls you back to what you know, then you’ll probably never stop wondering why you’re not the same. why crashing feels so familiar to you, why understanding melancholy is too easy to do, why the existence of Love beyond science seems harder to prove. 

"Love yourself" is not a command to throw away like a song you’re done with after playing it in your head for so long… it’s not something you change your mind about if people begin to label it as something it isn’t made to be. 

Loving yourself is believing that it is okay to like the great and crazy things others like about you, or that you are someone who has friends who love you, even if you don’t know why. No one is perfect, and no one should feel, or be, alone.

It’s knowing that it is okay to want to be one of the best, if not just better, at that thing you do, JUST BECAUSE. it is happier to dwell on the good things to know what to make of the bad. shoot for the moon.

it is okay to jump at opportunities, because it is okay to be grateful and it is okay, if not better, to make use of what you have. there is always, ALWAYS, a reason for everything.

if you have a life that makes you want to bounce all the blessings back, it is okay to know in your heart that, one day, you will give everything back.

no one should ever have the power to pressure you to do, or be, something that you aren’t ready - nor made - to do, or be.

there is a bigger picture in the world for each one of us & we are all specks of dust in the end. what you do with your life now can outlast you later on.

it is also okay to smile (maybe even so randomly, you’d seem to be on E) — it is okay to admit you just honestly like being in this twisted world, no matter how cruel, judgemental, angry, or dangerous it can be. 

it took me 3 years of gradually losing that strength. a year and a half to slowly gain it back, and 5 months to finally feel it creeping back into me.

so you think you love yourself. but still somewhat believe that all the countless times you fucked up serve as an estimate of who you are in all your years of being… if you think you do love yourself, but fail to ignore the things that you know exist to try and screw you over… then please, love yourself a little bit more. Messing up is NOT equivalent to BEING all messed up. you have every right and reason to LOVE, EVEN if you don’t know why.

Loving that one person, loving anyone, and especially loving yourself, is not anything that LOVE is NOT. 

and you know what? if you find Love, there’s your God.